Open Letter to Elon Musk About Healthicious Food

Bridging the gap between delicious and healthy food is more important than colonizing Mars.

Beer and burgers that can lower blood pressure? Take my money, now! - Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

Dear Elon Musk:

Let’s face it. There’s a dichotomy in the food industry: our meals are either delicious or healthy. Why can’t we have both? Why are we trapped between greasy, fattening burgers, and rice “milk” that’s good for us? Eating doesn’t have to be all about calorie counting or punishing your taste buds. Rise to the occasion, Mr. Musk, and give us healthicious food.

I know it sounds like a lot, but I do implore that you place on hold your plans of colonizing Mars and helping monkeys win video game tournaments so that we can enjoy food that’s tasty and prevents artery clogging at the same time. Go ahead and sell all the companies you own right now and create a food company called H&D (Healthy & Delicious), because that’s where the money and fame will be. Songs will be written about you!

I think it’s unfair that by the time we make enough money to buy all the steaks, pastries, ice creams, and candy bars in the world, it’s no longer appealing to us, simply because our bodies are already dealing with high cholesterol levels and hypertension. Enough is enough. We deserve to eat whatever we want, without fearing that our eyes will pop out the minute we bend over to tie our shoelaces (or fasten our Velcro straps).

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to lose weight or kick diabetes to the curb just by eating a whole pan of brownies? Can you imagine getting “six-pack” abs just by eating sloppy Joes? How about bacon that will cure gout and arthritis?

Brownies that can kick diabetes to the curb? I died and went to Heaven - Photo by Rasmus Mikkelstrup on Unsplash

Call me a dreamer, but I think wars could be eradicated, not by political treaties or armistices, but by migraine-relieving margaritas and belly-deflating beer.

I have to warn you, though. The same naysayers who laughed at you for trying to build a “battery-powered toy car”, are the same ones who will mock your “sinus-clearing biscuits.” But pay no heed to those individuals stuck in the past. Believe me when I tell you that the world will be a better place when the first line of a prescription for osteoporosis and weight management reads: “5 tablespoons of Rocky Road ice cream, twice a day.” ☼

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Alex Guerrero is a content creator who lives in Lawrence, KS. He’s very vocal in his displeasure over pineapple pizza. Chocolate, on the other hand, makes everything better!